\\ // Duo's thoughts
# # Heero's thoughts
* * Italics
As he rolled over, he could feel the down padded coils of the mattress shift rhythmically under his weight. As he rolled over, he could feel the velvety touch of her skin slide over his own for one brief, ecstatic moment. And, in that moment, he knew he'd gone too for with this last joke. He slowly sat up to peer down at the womanly form dozing soundly beside him. He made a quick movement to leave the bed suddenly, but to his chagrin, the rough n' tumble night of lovemaking had unraveled his long braid into a veritable nest of free-flowing, Duo-scented tresses. His hair was everywhere, wrapped about his naked torso, draped over the seductive curve of the female hip beside him, and, to his utter embarrassment, caught under his elbow as he tried to make a quick escape from the bed.
He let out a low curse as he felt the strain of thousands of his hair follicles being yanked from their roots by the sudden weight of his body.
As if by the sound of his voice, the female beside him sighed his name before returning back to her dreams. Duo nearly snapped his neck off as he turned to look down at Relena Peacecraft. Yes, Relena Peacecraft.
His heart was knocking frantically at his ribcage, but he managed to calm himself. He had been in worse situations…more peculiar situations, hadn't he? Slowly, Duo sat up and began to gather all his hair, pooling it into one shining cascade over his left shoulder. Slowly, his hair retracted itself from his surroundings. It recoiled from the satin covers; it unfurled itself from its hold across Duo's chest and finally it retreated from Relena Darlian-Peacecraft's satin shorn hip.
\\God, my hair was all over her like I was last night…what madness...//
His memories of last night, as chaotic and frightening as they were, brought a grin to his face. He had done something that damningly perfect Heero Yuy hadn't done. He had conquered Relena. He had gotten her to shut up. Heero had never done that. He could never know how to quiet that ideal-spouting, aristocratic mouth of hers. Heero couldn't even shoot her let alone hide from her…
Duo took another glance at Relena and wondered how one girl could be so much trouble. He shook his head and marveled at this odd pairing he had found himself in.
\\Maxwell, you've really done it this time. No, I take that back. Heero's really done it this time…Why Heero? Why did you have to put me in this situation? Why did I have to be so stupid!! Why…why do I have to love you so…//
Duo put his face in his hands. His thoughts flew back to the events that led up the tonight before. So much had happened in the last six months and it all began with one passionate night with Heero.
With a sigh, Duo thought. \\Could it really be over?//
And then he cast his glance at the sleeping Relena and began to chew on his bottom lip.
\\Heero, are we finally even?//
Six Months Earlier at the Wiltshire School for Boys, Denmark
“Young men, it isn't this school's usual policy to accept students this late in the year, but with your impeccable grades from such fine institutions, this school would be foolish to turn you away.” The Headmaster smiled broadly at the two teenage boys. He didn't understand why such fine boys would willingly come to Wiltshire, but since when does one question good fortune?
Duo found it hard to suppress a chuckle. Apparently, Heero had done too good of a job on their “transcripts.” Duo had warned the cold pilot not to post their scores from the last school they were in, but of course, Heero in his pursuit of perfection ignored Duo and here was the result: a fat, balding, simpering Headmaster who would no doubt make it his quest to keep an eye on these “promising students.”
After an hour-long tour of the school's…well…lackluster facilities, Duo and Heero were finally left alone at the door of their room. Before they even opened the door, Duo leaned in close to the wing pilot and whispered, “What *did* you put into our files anyway? I'm surprised he didn't have a horse-drawn carriage at the gates to greet us!”
Without turning to look at the braided pilot, Heero returned in his usual monotone, “I didn't do anything to augment our scores. In fact, I lowered them.” After a slight pause he added, “This must be a really bad school.”
“Huh? You *lowered* them? Why'd you do that? No wait, I see.” Duo grasped his braid in hand and began to swing it back and forth between them. “You figured that no one really pays attention to mediocre students, right? Well, seems that “mediocre” everywhere else is “superb” here.” Duo scratched his head. “Are we going to stand in front of this door forever, or are you going to open it?”
The door creaked open under the pressure of Heero's hand.
“Nani??!!!” Duo could feel a nerve twitching under his right eye as he peered into the tight nest he and Heero would call their “room” in the passing weeks. One other word paraded through Duo's mind, but the couldn't trust himself to utter it aloud; he couldn't tell if it would come out as a livid bellow or rather as confused squeak. But then again he didn't have to, a passing student said it for him. The auburn haired boy stepped behind Duo and said in a voice loud enough to cause an echo, “Shit!”
Duo turned one twitching eye to the acute boy while Heero attempted to paralyze the newcomer with one of his patented glares o' death. But the young man hadn't even looked at Heero; he was too busy staring into the unfortunate pair's room.
“I didn't think it was possible, but I think this room is worse than mine… Man!! This must be the shittiest room in Wiltshire…Oh, I'm sorry…” The auburn-haired boy had just become aware of Heero's patented glare o' death and began to slowly retreat down the hall.
“Wait, it's okay. He's harmless. His undies are just a bit tight,” said Duo as he tried to wave the boy over. The boy stopped in his tracks. “I'm Max Hallowell and this mass of stone beside me is Kato.”
Heero grunted when his name was said.
“Of course, you can see he isn't much of a conversationalist.”
The boy laughed at Duo's jest and once again approached the two. He extended his hand to Duo and said, “My name's Akito.” After shaking hands with Duo, Akito extended his hand to Heero. The Japanese pilot looked at the hand as if were some sort of infectious agent.
“Okay…” responded Akito a bit shakily as he pulled his hand back.
Duo put on his best smile. Addressing Akito, he said, “Don't worry about Kato…he's well…er… well he's--”
“--as friendly as a pitbull,” Akito finished for Duo.
Sensing that Heero was about the beat the auburn boy within an inch of his life, Duo stepped between the two and said, “Hey, we're both new. Could you give us the ins and outs of this place?”
“Sure, why not. I have time to kill.” Akito quickly ran his hand through his hair.
Duo's eyes lit up. “Great. Would you mind swinging by later? We really should get unpacked.”
Akito bent forward to peer into the room. “Good luck fitting much in *there*.” For an instant a look of embarrassment grazed his features. “Gomen, I'm not making this any easier for you guys.” Feeling the heat of Heero's stare, Akito attempted to make a quick retreat. “Well… see you guys around. Bye!” The red-haired youth scampered away.
Duo watched his quickly retreating figure disappear.
“Why did you ask him back here later?” For the first time, Heero turned to directly face Duo.
“What? Oh, well, he seemed like an ok guy. And, it might be nice to make a few friends while we are here--”
Heero's voice was a low with restrained anger. “We aren't here to make friends. We are here on a mission. And, it's about time that you've learned--”
“Learned what, Heero? Learned to completely alienate myself from human contact? I'm not taking any lip because you can't stand the idea of contact. I put up with it at the last school but I am not going to do it again now.”
“Put up with it?” For a brief moment, Heero's eyes grew wide before narrowing back to their usual indifferent look.
“Just forget it, Heero…Akito can probably tell us what it would take us days to know. Hell, why waste time when we can cut to the heart of the matter by getting a feel for this place from those who have the inside track?”
“You mean we should pump him for information.”
“In a nutshell.”
“Hn.” Heero turned away and walked into the room.
Duo rolled his eyes and thought. \\That guy will never give me credit for anything. But since when have I been looking for*his* approval? The guy's a jerk and I'm an idiot to expect or want anything from Heero-the-perfect-soldier-yuy.//
Thoroughly disgusted with himself, Duo stepped into the room. \\Baka//
“Sheesh, we're lucky that we didn't have much to unpack or living in this room would be damn near impossible,” said Duo as he hiked himself up onto the top bunk.
A knock came at the door. Duo looked down at Heero and, from his position at his desk, Heero looked back up at Duo. They were immediately put on guard by the intrusion, till a voice called through the door.
“Hey, it's me Akito. I hope you guys aren't busy or anything.”
Duo smiled at the hesitant nature in Akito's voice. \\Heero must have put a scare in him earlier. Yet, the redheaded boy has kept his word and returned.// Resting his head on his hand so that he was now lying on his side, Duo said, “Nah, just come in. The door isn't locked.”
The turn of the doorknob was followed by a loud creak. The boys would have to do something about that noise.
Akito stuck his head into the room before entering. He waved to both Heero and Duo. Of course, Duo was the only one to actual return the wave. He jumped down from the top bunk in one fluid, catlike motion.
“So far, how is Wiltshire treating you guys,” asked Akito as he leaned against the doorframe.
Duo responded while Heero continued to type away at his laptop. “Well, actually, we haven't had the opportunity to really get a feel for the place.” Laughing nervously, Duo made a small gesture to the room. “We've been trying to make do with this room.”
Akito began to stroke his chin in a mock intellectual fashion as he said in a bad British accent, “Hmm, I see. May I say that you gentlemen have done an absolutely *smashing* job?” Akito wiggled his eyebrows. Without fail, Duo burst out into a gale of laughter. Heero simply grunted.
Duo clapped the youth on his shoulder. “Hey, wanna take a seat?”
Akito looked a bit confused. “Where?”
Duo scratched his head. “Ahh, looks like it's either Heero's bed or the floor…There's not much room on the floor…” Duo waited to see if the wing pilot would respond. When Heero failed to even grunt, Duo grabbed Akito by the arm and pulled him to sit next to him on the bed.
Akito looked around for a second. “You guys could get some posters for these walls or something…”
“Ahh, we'll worry about that some other time…Akito, you're our guide. What's the skinny on Wiltshire? How's the food? Who do we suck up to?”
“Well, I can easily sum it up for you: The food is questionable and nauseating, the faculty is crotchety and underpaid (so don't bother sucking up), and the dorms are ill fashioned and cramp (as you well know). But, then again, I really shouldn't complain. I'm lucky to be here…”
“What do you mean?”
“I have nowhere else to go. It's the same for most of the boys here. We have no homes. We have no parents. Think of Wiltshire as an upgraded orphanage.”
“Oh…”
“And, the guys who aren't orphans, they're here because they're too much trouble to put anywhere else.” Akito turned his green eyes on Duo. “So, what are you guys, orphans or criminals?”
For a brief instant, Duo felt as if his voice were caught in his throat. “I—We don't have parents…”
Heero's typing paused and then resumed. Akito seemed satisfied with the answer.
“Ok, welcome to Wiltshire, fellow orphans.” Seeing the suddenly desolate look on Duo's face, Akito tried to wave away his earlier comments. “But, hey, don't get me wrong. Things aren't so bad here, especially of late. In fact, you guys are lucky. The food has improved over the last weeks and I hear we are going to have some renovations done. I don't know to what extent but perhaps they'll make some of these rooms larger…such a pity…Oops, I 'm sorry. I know. I know. Low blow. I just have this thing about tight, enclosed spaces…”
“What's with the new changes?”
Akito stood up and walked to the one window in the “room”. “Well, I'm sure *they* have a lot to do with them.” He extended his hand and pointed to a construction in the distance.
“Huh?” Duo stood and walked behind Akito. The boy was only slightly taller than Duo, so it wasn't problem for Duo to look past him. “What are you talking about? What is that?” Of course, Duo already knew what Akito was pointing to. It was the reason he and Heero had come to Wiltshire. Duo was simply interested in what Akito *thought* it was.
“Well, actually, I'm not quite sure.” Akito rubbed the back of his neck embarrassedly. “All I know is that as soon as that plant over there became active, things have been slightly better over here at Wiltshire. I have been here for three years and only in the last couple of weeks has smoke been coming from those stacks. This is a desolate area. It's hard not to notice something like that.”
Duo turned around to give Heero a significant look.
Five days later
Something had to be done about that Oz plant. It was bad enough they were producing a new variety of Mobile Dolls there, but to implicate civilians…
Heero was busy typing information into his files. He had been working for five hours straight scrutinizing blue prints and schematics.
The door creaked open as Duo stepped into the room. He had a towel tied around his lean waist and one wrapped around his head.
“You still working, Heero? Take a break. It's pointless poring over the same material for so long. You aren't going to see anything new. For now, what we know is what we know.”
Heero looked up from his laptop to fix Duo with a steely gaze. “And, what exactly do we know?”
“Huh? You can't be serious. You want me to rehash the details?” Heero stared coldly at Duo. The pilot of shinigami made a face. “Ok. Ok. Stop with the dark looks. We know that the OZ plant is manufacturing a brand of dolls that have the maneuvering capabilities and reaction times of the gundams. *That* was detailed in our orders. From Akito, we know Wiltshire might be receiving financial support from that base, but we don't know why. And, from the information you've hacked, we know three engineers are responsible for the new mobile doll designs. Other than the blueprints of the base, we haven't discovered anything new for today. Are you satisfied?”
Heero didn't answer. He continued to stare at Duo with a sort of slightly bemused expression on his face.
Indigo eyes searched Heero's face for an answer. “Nan da, Heero? Have you figured something new out? What is it?”
After a moment the wing pilot answered, “You look ridiculous with that towel on your head.”
For a second, Duo's jaw almost dropped but he recovered quickly. With a lazy grin, he said, “I keep forgetting you're not privy to my hair rituals. The towel's a must, unless you want me to drip all over the floor? I've got long hair. What do you expect me to do?”
“Cut it off,” was Heero's monotone reply.
Duo's eyes grew to the size of saucers. “Nani??!!! Never! Oh, yeah? You get rid of that laptop and then we'll talk about my hair!”
#Touché#. Thought Heero as he suppressed a smirk. There was no need for Maxwell to know he was amused by the retort. Duo's voice had raised nearly octave above its usual timber when he had shouted back at Heero's suggestion. #That hair better not be more important to him than the mission,# thought Heero.
Heero refocused his attention back onto the pilot of Shinigami. Duo was fiddling with the towel that wrapped his head. But, in one smooth motion, Duo pulled the towel from his head, setting free long, damp tendrils of chestnut hair. The moist locks fell about Duo, quickly adhering themselves to his still slick chest. For a second, Heero's heart came to a full stop in his chest, for a second he forgot to breathe. He stood up abruptly and said in a gruff voice, “I'm going for a walk.”
Before Duo could say anything, Heero was out the door. Duo rolled his eyes. “What's his problem anyway?” He decided to carry on with his usual “hair ritual.” It would take him over an hour to comb through and braid the damp nest of hair. But, as he tackled the wet mass of hair, Duo's brow creased in frustration.
\\Heero, I can't wait till this mission is over. I hate who I am when I'm around you.//
Heero's breath came short and fast he ran through the snow. He'd barely managed to remember to grab his coat on the way out. He was that unnerved. But what was it? What was it that had him knee-deep and breathless in the powdery snow? He didn't want to think about it.
#Just run#, he told himself. #Just run until you forget what you saw. Just run until you forget what you heard…#
When he came back to the room, it was dark. Duo's low tenor called out from the darkness. “Oi, Heero, you'd better get ready for bed. Lights out in 5 minutes.”
“I see you took a head start.”
“Yeah, even death needs to sleep. So on that note, g'night. Don't let the RA catch you up. Who knows what may happen.” After a soft chuckle, Duo rolled over and settled himself in a comfortable position.
Within three minutes and fifty-four seconds, Heero Yuy was ready for bed. But he knew he wouldn't be asleep for some time. If this night were like any other night, he would wrestle with the nameless faces of the people he had killed before falling into a fitful, restless sleep. But tonight wasn't like every other night and the pilot of wing gundam almost effortlessly fell asleep. And, in his dream he was chasing a longhaired waif who promised to find a home for both of them.
Heero was suddenly jarred from his dream. The earth was shaking.
His mind, still a bit fuzzy, offered, #Earthquake in Denmark?--Very unlikely.#
In a few moments, his head was cleared and he realized that it was the iron bunk bed and not the earth that was shaking. Heero could feel himself getting angry, no, turning livid. His hands balled up into fists and his darkly captivating face grew grim. For the first time, in only gods know how long, he had been able to fall asleep without reprimand, without the nightmares, and that braided idiot had taken it away with his bed tossing. Heero delivered one, savage kick to the underside of Duo's bed.
Heero's voice was a growl in the darkness, “Duo, stop moving around up there!”
A whimper came from above, and then the movement ceased. Heero's fists relaxed and the Japanese boy turned to rest on his side. Not three seconds later, the tossing began again, more furious than ever.
#I'm going to kill that baka.#
Heero turned onto his back so that he could deliver another kick to the underside of Maxwell's bed. But, before he could, a voice stopped him.
“Please, no. I was too late! I was too late!!”
Heero froze. The voice was so helpless, so grief-stricken, and… so unmistakably Duo's. But, it sounded so *young*. Heero continued to lie still. The room was filled with mournful whimpering and it was only growing louder. Heero searched his mind for a solution, but he was struck motionless. That voice, with its desolate and innocent tones reminded the Japanese boy of what had kept him sleepless on so many nights. That voice was the voice of the all those lives he had taken. It was both helpless and accusing, both mournful and outraged…
“Oh, God, please, oh God, no. NO!!!!!!”
“Duo, wake up…it's only a dream.” Heero's voice sounded strange to him. He swallowed hard against the sudden dryness in his throat.
#He's never had it this bad before.# “Duo… wake up.”
The Japanese boy climbed out of bed and walked over to switch on the light. From, his vantage, he looked up to see Duo writhing on the bed. The sheets that had covered the American pilot lay in a pile on the floor. Heero could hear Duo sobbing.
In an instant, Heero hiked himself up onto the top bunk. His determination was to wake Duo through any means necessary.
“Duo, get up. You're going to wake up the entire floor!” Although this was not the initial cause for concern, he could not find anything else to say. He felt silly sitting there beside his, although he would never utter that word aloud, *partner* in combat. His mind told him to deliver one neat slap to Duo's face as to (1) save himself the embarrassment of being so close to the other pilot and (2) to wake Duo in a way Duo would not question as unbecoming of the cold pilot that he knew as Heero.
#I can't allow him to suspect anything. Nothing has changed between us.#
Heero brought his hand back far above his head, preparing to deliver a quick, smart blow to the pilot's cheek. But, he couldn't deliver the strike; what he saw stirred him in a way that he didn't think was possible. Whatever Duo was dreaming about, had taken its toll on the pilot. Duo's long braid was undone; his hair was in disarray: it was across his face, fanned out across the pillows, and wrapped around his torso. In his sleep, the American pilot's lips trembled as tears flowed from his half-shut eyes.
#What's going on in that head of his?#
“Sister Helen!!!!! NO!!!! PLEASE NO!!!! YOU CAN'T DIE ON ME! NOT NOW! NOT EVER!” Duo's piercing scream rang in Heero's ears.
Alarmed, Heero's cool receded. “Duo…*please*, I'm*asking* you to wake up, right now!!!” Heero grasped Duo's shoulders and tried to shake him awake. “I can't help you like this… Goddamn it. Wake up!” He shook Duo's shoulders even harder. He felt Duo's body tense underneath him. For second, Heero was relieved, at least, until he realized Duo hadn't really woken up, but had actually begun to struggle against him in his sleep.
“Get off!! GET OFF!!! I won't let you--”
Duo was struggling furiously with Heero. The Japanese pilot was caught off guard by the sudden barrage of scratching and punching Duo had let loose from his arsenal.
“Damn it, Duo. It's me, Heero! Don't make me do this. I don't want to have to--”
Heero never finished the sentence because Duo had managed to push Heero off of him and out of the bed. With a definite look of disbelief, Heero made a grab for the bed but failed. But, as he fell, he did manage to roll himself away from the desk enough to avoid a serious head injury. Unfortunately for him, his luck with the floor wasn't as good. The floor was an unforgiving mistress and the wing pilot landed on his shoulder with a loud thud. That, not the shaking and the calling of his name, woke Duo up.
Straight as a board, Duo sat up in the bed. He looked left, right and finally down as if to orient himself.
“What?” Duo's face felt wet and grimy. In his mouth was the iron taste of blood and his muscles felt as if they had been used well beyond their means. He brought a shaky hand to his head to confirm the wetness of his face. His voice came out hoarse and confused as he called out to his fellow gundam pilot. “Heero?? What's going on?”
By this time, Heero had managed to peel himself from the floor. He leaned against the wall, bracing himself on his good shoulder. His right hand cradled the other shoulder. Heero knew the shoulder was not broken; it just felt like it was. He had the presence of mind to be grateful it was not dislocated. He grimaced as he looked up at the American.
“Heero?? What's going on?”
Somehow Heero managed not to be overcome by rage as he said, “You had a nightmare.”
“I did?” Duo's indigo eyes lingered on Heero's nearly hunched form. “Then what happened to you?” Duo's voice was all innocence.
“I tried to wake you.”
“Heero, you can't be serious.” As he said this, Duo climbed down from the top bunk. “Heero, let me see your shoulder.”
As much as he could, Heero backed away from him. Duo stopped in his tracks.
“Heero, what happened? What did I do to you?”
#What haven't you done to me?#
The concern in Maxwell's voice along with the pain shooting from his shoulder was making Heero's thoughts cloudy. His mouth seemed to be moving out of its own volition as he said, “You were tossing and turning as if you were fending off some sort of attack, or running... You kept saying, 'I was too late.' Then you called out a name--”
“What name?” Duo could feel goose bumps pronouncing themselves of backs of his arms.
“You called out 'Sister Helen.'”
Duo's disheveled features grew pale. His eyes glazed over and his mouth sagged.
“You've had nightmares before, but never this bad--”
Duo snapped out of his staggered state. “How would you know that, Heero?... We didn't room together at the last school. How could you possibly know something like that?” Indigo eyes, both sad and confused, bored into Heero.
A loud knock at the door to their room saved Heero from answering.
“What's going on in there,” shouted an authoritative voice through the door.
As the pounding continued, Heero and Duo stared at each as if they were seeing each other for the very first time.
Heero broke his gaze with Duo to answer the interruption. Duo stared, as the wing pilot quickly grabbed a shirt to cover the darkening bruise on his shoulder before he walked out of the room. The door creaked shut behind Heero, and, at last, Duo allowed himself the calming breath he so desperately needed. What had Heero meant when he said Duo had had nightmares before, but never this bad? Duo struggled to gain control of his emotions. Fear, confusion, anger and regret all raged for supremacy.
\\How long have I been having these nightmares? How long has Heero known about them?//
With shaky steps, Duo walked to the small mirror positioned on one of their walls. He took a good look at himself and was greeted with a haggard face, nothing like the grinning idiot he usually appeared to be. Duo brought shaky hands to his hair and then reached for his comb. Before long he was combing out the knots that his restless night had put in. He began to feel a bit better, but two thoughts nagged at Duo's fragile calm.
\\How long has he been spying on me? What else has he heard?//
Duo's cheeks flushed red then turned deathly pale at this thought. He remembered those nights at Groening Academy and how he usually awoke covered in sweat and thoroughly unsatisfied, haunted by the face and body of the young suicidal and homicidal Japanese pilot.
\\But there's no way Heero could know about* those* dreams, right?//
Although it seemed impossible, Duo turned an even paler shade of gray. If Heero knew…there would surely be one less Gundam pilot, namely Duo. He pushed the disturbing thoughts out of his mind. Deft hands, long practiced in the art began braiding the long mass of hair. Duo reached for a band and tied the end of his braid with it. With that done, he wasn't quite sure what to do with himself. The thoughts kept coming
\\And Sister Helen…I thought that I had grown past the nightmares of that day… in Maxwell Church…It seems I am not in as much control as I thought. There seems to be no escape from the past. Have I actually been trying to do that? I vowed I'd never forget, never forgive…//
He grasped the braid tightly in both hands. Duo heard the door to their room open. The pilot of Shinigami turned to face a scowling Heero.
After closing the door and stepping in the hallway, Heero felt some of the tension ease out of his body. The near confrontation with Duo had triggered in his body something similar to his fight response on the battlefield. Every muscle was tense and coiled, ready to spring into action. But now the provocation was missing and the Japanese pilot became aware of the injury he had sustained earlier. The tension of the moment before had only made his shoulder ache even more.
“You're Kato, right?”
It was the same voice that had saved him from answering Duo, but this time it wasn't tinged with concern. It was friendly and questioning; Heero didn't like it at all. He looked up in order to put a face to the voice, but before he could muster up his usual scowl, he took a step back in surprise. Before he could stop himself, he asked incredulously, “Wufei?”
“What?” The dark eyed young man gave Heero a curious, but good-natured glance. “Oh, no. My name is Togusa. I'm the Resident Assistant of this floor.”
After he uttered Wufei's name, Heero had realized his mistake. The resemblance was striking enough, but where Wufei appeared stern, Togusa was pleasant. Where Wufei had a tight militant ponytail, Togusa had a loose, flowing ponytail that ended mid back. While Wufei was short and wiry, Togusa topped the Chinese boy by a good five inches and outweighed him by at least 15 lbs. In short, Togusa appeared to be the Wufei in years to come: taller and content, without the ravages of war. For a split second, the thought disarmed Heero.
“Some of the boys complained there were strange noises coming from your room.”
Heero made a mental note to personally handle all the squealers.
“When I came outside to investigate, I, myself, heard screams and then there was this huge 'thump'. What, exactly, was going on in there?”
Heero debated whether or not to be brusque. But then, he realized he was dealing with authority, albeit weak authority, and, therefore, it would be best for him to answer with an air of civility. He answered slowly, subduing the coldness in his voice, “Max sometimes has recurring nightmares about losing his…his..family.” Even after all those years of training the word “family” still gave Heero problems.
Togusa's dark eyes widened at this. “Is he all right? But the screaming?” He took a step forward and rested his hand on the doorknob. But before the RA could open the door, Heero was in front of him, blocking his entrance. Togusa looked down at the Japanese boy blocking his way.
“His…people… died painfully…” came Heero's halting voice.
For a brief moment, Togusa's features grew shocked. “Kato, What are you doing? Step aside. It's my duty to check on him to see if he is alright.”
“And, it's my duty to him to keep you out,” said Heero, his face deadpan. “He would be embarrassed if you came in and saw him this way.”
Togusa stepped away from the door, eyeing Heero carefully. “Is that so…Kato, I respect your protection of your friend, but he obviously needs more constructive help. Screaming like that can't be healthy, not just for him, but for the other boys on the floor. They've all had difficult lives and any reminder of what they left behind, especially one like this, could be damaging to the peace they've found here.” Togusa reached out and put a hand on Heero's shoulder. Heero flinched under the contact. It was the same shoulder the wing pilot had landed on earlier.
“Kato, what's wrong?”
Heero stepped away from Togusa's hand. In a tone that dared disagreement, Heero said, “It's nothing.”
Togusa, seeing that he would get nowhere questioning Kato any further, sighed and then said, “Kato, this is not over. Tell Max I want to see him in my room right after lights out tomorrow. My room is the one at the end of the hall. My name is on it; you can't miss it. So, no excuses.” An elegant finger pointed it out to Heero. Looking at the door to Heero's and Duo's room, Togusa said, “Don't forget to tell Max what I've said, ok?”
Seeing that Togusa wouldn't budge until he agreed verbally, Heero relented and said, “Right.”
Heero waited until Togusa was at the far end of the hall before turning around to enter his and Duo's room.
Upon entering the room, Heero found Duo clutching his braid.
#He looks better now. He must be over the remnants of the nightmare.#
Before Duo could say anything Heero spoke. “The RA, Togusa, wants to see you in his room tomorrow, right after lights out. His room is at the end of the hall.”
Duo blinked at him before asking, “So we're not in trouble, as of yet?”
“No, he just wants to talk to you.”
Heero removed the shirt he put on to leave the room. The tank he was wearing earlier remained on. Duo caught sight of the darkening bruise as Heero climbed into bed.
Duo thought. \\It's such a big bruise…and he's going to go to sleep without even addressing what happened earlier.//
Duo's hands tightened on the braid. \\I don't know whether to be grateful or disappointed…//
An image of the charred ruins of Maxwell Church flashed briefly across Duo's mind. \\I guess it's going to be grateful. I just don't have the strength to deal with this right now.//
The next day passed pretty uneventfully. Heero and Duo woke up, they went to their classes, and ate their meals. There was uneasiness between them, but both were content enough not to address the problem. At least, they both appeared to be. For the most part, they carried on as if denial were as natural as the setting of the sun. Duo hung around with Akito and his friends, trying to get a better sense of Wiltshire while Heero did his usual thing, hacking and brooding. By the time Duo arrived back at the dorm, it was near lights out and Heero was seated at the desk typing away at the laptop. Heero turned to give Duo a look that said nothing of the things on his mind. Duo half saluted him before throwing his books in a corner. He and Heero hadn't spoken to each other for the entire day. The quiet was eerie yet necessary. Anything they could have said to each other would have led back to the events of the night before and neither was ready for that.
“Lights Out in 20 minutes,” shouted a boy from the hallway.
The shout had startled both of them. To save face, Duo tried his hand at small talk. “Looks like we should be getting ready for bed, ne?” But the cheeriness in his voice sounded forced.
Heero's hands were poised over the keyboard, but he made no motion to type. Finally, he rested his hands and the sides of the laptop before answering, “Hn.”
Duo gave Heero a curious glance.
“Heero…” Duo scratched the back of his neck nervously. “I…err…Well…Let's get the bathroom stuff over and done with before it gets crowded. You know how it is. Everyone waits till the last 5 minutes to dash to the sinks.” This time it was easier for Duo to smile. He found his own clumsy attempt to speak amusing.
\\Since when have I been short of words? But then again, since when have things been so weird? I can't believe that he's been spying on me. But, for what?//
Heero and Duo were side by side at adjoining sinks. Both Duo and Heero's hands jerked back and forth and up and down as they brushed their teeth. A massive cloud of toothpaste froth covered Duo's mouth and chin. He wiped it off as he looked at the mirror to glance at Heero, but the wing pilot did not return his gaze.
\\How does he do that? How does he stare through his reflection as if it weren't even there? Does he even see himself? Does he see anyone? I must be out of my mind to—//
The door to the bathroom was kicked open. A naked Wiltshire boy ran into the bathroom screaming bloody murder.
“AaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! It burns!!! It burns!!” The nude youth tried to get into a shower stall.
Another boy, clothed, ran into the bathroom screaming, “Jeremy no baka!!! Water will make it worse!!! What are you trying to do? It's lye, you moron!!!”
In a flash, Duo dropped his toothbrush and bolted of the bathroom and ran to his and Heero's room. Thirty seconds later he returned with a bottle of vinegar. Jeremy was still screaming, but by this time there were more boys surrounding him and not one of them knew what to do.
“Move out of the way!” Duo pushed past them. “Show me the wound!” With a tear-streaked face, the boy named Jeremy gestured to his abdomen and thighs. Duo doused the boy with as much vinegar as was in the bottle. Someone came from behind and pushed past Duo. The person, whose back he could only see, wrapped Jeremy in a large towel and tried to comfort the shaken youth.
Someone else grabbed Duo's arm from behind. He turned to look into wide green eyes. “Akito?”
“Max, what the hell did you throw on him? It reeks.” For emphasis, the red-haired boy held his nose between two fingers.
Duo smiled. “Vinegar.”
“How did you know what to do? Why'd you have it with you?”
“I don't know. I think I must of read it in a book somewhere.” Duo ignored the second question. The shinigami pilot knew how to concoct one helluva knockout gas, which required vinegar as its main ingredient. For that reason, he had the bottle of offensive-smelling liquid. “How'd Jeremy get lye on himself anyway?”
“Unfortunately for him, his roommate's a psycho. No doubt he's responsible. That kid has major issues...”
“Who is he anyway?”
Akito put his hands on Duo's shoulders and turned him around so that he faced the doorway. “Take a look for yourself and see. There's psycho boy, himself, Mitch Bower.”
In the doorway of the bathroom stood a very angry-looking boy with spiky brown hair, steely blue eyes, and a mouth pulled into a sneer. The boy had a scar on his face that began at his right temple and ended somewhere near his chin. He didn't say a word. He just stared at the scene in the bathroom.
Duo turned to glance at Heero. The Japanese pilot had not moved from the sink. He simply stared at the back of the young man who had come to support Jeremy. Duo followed Heero's gaze. Duo looked at the guy's back and the shiny black ponytail that ended at the middle of his back.
\\What's got Heero so enthralled? I've got longer hair than that…//
The young man was talking to Jeremy and the small group of boys. After some seconds, the group of boys turned around to leave. Duo looked back at the doorway. Mitch Bower had disappeared and the boys walked out of the bathroom, talking to one another as they left. Then Jeremy, wrapped in the towel and supported by the mysterious stranger, walked past Duo. At that moment, the stranger turned around to speak and Duo felt his stomach fly up into his throat.
“Max, we can't thank you enough. After I drop Jeremy off at the infirmary, we'll have our talk. Feel free to wait in my room until then. It's unlocked.”
Back in their room, Duo tried to restrain himself but the effort was wasted. Both sickened and shocked by that day's and the night before's happenings, he turned on Heero.
“What the hell, Heero? Why didn't you tell me that there is a guy here that looks like Wufei on steroids???!!!! For a second, I thought I had almost lost it in there…”
“It didn't seem important.”
Duo's indigo eyes bored into Heero's cobalt eyes. “It didn't seem important??? My God, and it didn't seem important for you to tell me that I've been having nightmares and talking in my sleep, Heero? What were you thinking?? I could be leaking important information and not even know about it…”
Heero looked away at this. Duo had already revealed the most important information he possessed: his secret desire for a steely-eyed boy capable of breaking both his heart and his nose.
\\God, what the hell is his problem??? Man, what is * my* problem? This mission is definitely going to take away the last bit of sanity that I possess. First the weird dreams about Heero, then these wicked-ass nightmares I've been having without knowing, and now spandex boy is hiding something. Let's not forget Wufei's hormone taking double. Sheesh… This war has to end soon…I'm too young for this crap.//
Duo knocked on Togusa's door. There was no answer so he followed the RA's earlier instructions and let himself into the room. There wasn't much to look at in the room. It was furnished with the bare essentials, a bed, a desk, a chair, and a dresser. There were some books scattered on the desk and a violin case resting on the seat of the chair. There wasn't much in the way of comfort so Duo sat cross-legged on the floor by the desk. He tapped a beat on his knee as he let his thoughts take over.
\\It just isn't right. Are things always going to be this way? Wherever we go, no matter what life choices we make… will we five gundam pilots always be thrown together? The Earth and the colonies together make up one hell of a big area and yet even in this tucked away place in Denmark, of all places, we find someone with an incredibly likeness to Wuffers? Where's the justice in that?// Duo chuckled softly at the last thought. It was worthy of the Chinese pilot of himself. But then, Duo's expression turned serious. \\We'll never be allowed to forget these times. I can see that now.//
Duo looked up as the door opened to reveal Togusa.
“Max, you didn't have to sit on the floor.” Togusa walked over and fielded the violin case off of the chair and gestured for Duo to sit there.
“No, really, I'm fine. I actually like the floor.”
“Are you sure? Ok. Fine.” Togusa took the seat he'd offered to Duo. He stared down at Duo. “Max, did Kato explain why I asked you to meet with me?”
Duo made a face as he thought of his earlier conversation with Heero. “Nope, he just said you wanted to see me, that's all.”
“This is a bit off the topic, but what you did earlier was wonderful. Jeremy wanted me to thank you and he asked me to give you this.” Togusa retrieved an envelope from his jacket and handed it to Duo.
“Thanks.” Duo tucked it in his shirt pocket and resolved to open it later. “What did you want to talk about?”
Togusa fixed a kind-hearted expression on Duo. The Shinigami pilot nearly jerked back in surprise.
\\I keep expecting him to shout “onna” or question my honor…//
“I wanted to talk to you about last night. Kato told me you have recurring nightmares about your family. I don't want to pry, but I want to help. Is there anything you would like to talk about?”
Duo's eyes were wide. “Kato said that? I've never spoken to him about...”
“Well, I should tell you that he seemed very concerned and that he acted very protective. He wouldn't even allow me to enter the room last night… Have you two been friends for long?”
Duo was having a hard time thinking straight. \\Heero concerned??… and protective??//
“Aaaa…no, not too long. Just a couple of months.”
“Really…how long have you been having these nightmares?”
Duo rubbed the back of his neck. “I'm not quite sure. I didn't realize I'd been having them until last night. And, last night was the worst of it, according to He—to Kato.”
\\It's because this place is full of orphans…like Maxwell Church…this hits just a little too close to home…//
“What do you think about them?”
“Me? Well…I don't think I'll be having any more of them.”
Togusa leaned forward. “And why is that?”
There was a hard edge in Duo's voice as he said, “Now that I'm aware of them…there's no need for me to continue having them…they only happened…because I had broken my promise…I had begun to forget…” Duo hands were balled into fists in his lap.
Togusa reached down to clap a hand on Duo's shoulder. “Anytime you need to talk, I'll be here.”
“Thanks a lot. But I'm ok. I think I'll head back to the room. Ok?” Duo dared a sidelong glance at Togusa, but Togusa didn't return the gaze immediately. He was busy chewing on his bottom lip.
Duo stood up to leave and Togusa rose out of his seat to walk Duo to the door. “But Max, this is going to sound silly…” Togusa shook his head. His voice was steady and his eyes were fixed on Duo's as he said, “Max, I'm worried about you. Promise me that as you are remembering you won't let your memories consume you. You've got to remember that the present is the present and the past is the past. Some things are meant to fade away and to be replaced by happier times. If you're not careful, all that anger, all that sorrow that you're holding back will come out, not just as those nightmares, but also as something dangerous and ugly… You might do something you'll regret.”
Duo looked at Togusa. \\He's so patient, so generous, and so wise. Could this have been you Wuffers if we weren't caught in this God-forsaken war? So much has been stolen from us-- //
“Max.” Togusa's voice jarred Duo from his thoughts, “Max, I can see it in you now. I can't put my finger on it, but, whatever it is, something tells me you are an important person, important in a way I can't understand… and whatever you do will have far-reaching consequences. So, please, consider what I have said?”
“Right. Gotcha.” Duo turned to leave. The door closed softly behind him.
Wearily, Togusa shook his head. He muttered, “In one ear and out the other. Let's hope the base doesn't get a hold of that one. There's no telling what they could turn him into.”
As the door closed softly behind him, the last bit of Duo's control slipped away and the braided pilot of Shinigami found himself with damp cheeks and curled fists. He had been holding back a reaction for most of the meeting with Togusa. When he left the room, he was almost shaking with the effort. But now, all he wanted to do was punch his fist through a wall. It was all too much, the painful memories, Heero's intrusion, and now his own confused feelings about the cold pilot and this mission. Under the weight of his trembling hands, the door to their room creaked open. In the darkness of the room, Duo's voice was strained but insistent.
“Heero, I want answers and I want them now.”
“Close the door.”
Duo shut the door and stepped into the dark room.
“I'm serious, Heero. No more games.”
“I've never been one to play games.” Heero's voice was steady but not in its usual monotone. There was still a slight dead quality to his voice but even that seemed like it would be short-lived.
The darkness of the room seemed to render everything strange. Somehow the rules had changed and neither knew what boundaries they were subject to. They were both bathed in darkness and it seemed as though they existed only as disembodied voices in the dark.
Duo's eyes burned as he choked back a sob. He was embarrassing himself, yet he was helpless to stop the torrent of tears. Images of Maxwell Church, Sister Helen, and Father Maxwell kept sneaking their way into his consciousness. He hadn't let himself cry in years and there was something about the blackness of the room that made such things permissible.
“Heero, I know you can hear me crying. If I'm doing this, something must be terribly wrong… you have the power to fix this.”
“I do?” Heero's voice sounded hesitant. Perhaps there was a submissive bone in Maxwell's body…
“Yes, and there will be no consequences for answering truthfully. Nothing is verifiable in the dark; you can't see me and I can't see you. Everything can be denied in the light of day.”
“Upon what authority?”
“Upon the highest--Death.” The tears stopped as Duo smiled in the darkness. Something that sounded like a snort came from Heero's direction.
“So be it.”
“Before Wiltshire, how did you know about my nightmares and why didn't tell me about them? No evasions.” Duo was amazed at how steady and sure his voice sounded despite the understanding of the repercussions for such a demand.
“You're asking for too much.”
“No, I'm finally asking for what I deserve. Now the truth, Heero.”
Duo let his body slump against the door. Slowly, he let his body slide to the floor where he then sat. Heero's voice seemed to be coming from the bottom bunk. There was a long period of silence before anyone spoke, but it was Heero who finally broke the silence.
“I usually don't sleep. At the most, I get 2 hours a night, but I'm used to it. I use the time to hack or to do reconnaissance missions. At Groening Academy, it was no different. There was one night when I was up hacking into some of the plant's harder to access files and I found something that didn't jar with the blueprints we had.”
Duo suppressed a scoff. The cold mass of stone was actually talking to him and without the usual grunts and snorts. “Yeah, and we went on reconnaissance together late at night after school…”
“I discovered the information a night before I told you, at about 3 a.m. It was late and I figured it was a good time to go scouting. I snuck into your room to wake you, but…when I got there… you were completely at rest… I had been without sleep for days and it was almost a relief to see…what peace could be… I couldn't wake you. So I stayed there and… watched.” Another pause followed. “I envied you, Duo, and I returned night after night to steal a bit of your peace...”
Duo couldn't believe what he was hearing and whom he was hearing it from. He resisted the urge to shiver. Heero had been watching him sleep for most of their stay at Groening.
Heero's voice was barely audible as he continued on, “Occasionally, you'd call out in your sleep…”
“What--What did I say?”
“And then for the two nights before we left Groening, you had nightmares, but nothing like last night. Just some whimpering, tossing, and swearing.”
“Why didn't you say anything to me?” Duo nervously fingered the tip of his braid.
“What purpose would it have served?”
Duo couldn't come up with a reasonable answer. If Heero had said anything about what he had been doing, things would have been weird, plain and simple, and a bit frightening, considering whom it was coming from. There was still one question left unanswered, but something inside of Duo told him to leave it alone. He ignored it.
“Heero, you never told me what I said in my sleep prior to the nightmares. I want to know.” Suddenly the room began to feel warmer than usual. Duo could hear Heero changing positions in his bed. But there was no answer. Duo pulled out his trump card.
He said, “No evasions. The truth.”
After a few seconds, Heero responded, “Have it your way…” There was a brief period of silence before the wing pilot said to Duo, “You called out my name…like it's never been called out before.”
The room was filled with absolute silence as Duo forgot to breathe. His temples began to throb and he wished, really wished that he had listened to his gut. Some things were best not said, ever. His skin felt immensely cold before flushing with warmth. He could hear his own breath in the room coming fast and hard. Within seconds, the Shinigami pilot was hyperventilating.
“Duo?”
Duo tried to catch his breath. He could hear Heero moving away from the bunk bed and heading towards him. Duo began to panic even more. \\This is it. He didn't say anything before because he realized he'd have to kill me after admitting these things. But I won't go without a fight. What am I thinking? He'd have to explain the disappearance of his roommate. He'll just probably try to slap me around a bit to make up for the inconvenience. Yes, cure the homosexual by beating it out of him…//
“Stay away from me, Heero.” Duo's voice was low and threatening.
“I thought you would prefer the opposite.” There was something strange about the wing pilot's voice. Was it a hint of humor Duo sensed in Heero's voice?
“Nani? Heero, what are you talking about…” Duo had regained his breath but he felt reality slowly slipping from his grasp. As Heero spoke, Duo could feel himself overtaken by dizziness. In the darkness, he could feel that the wing pilot was now standing over him.
“You said it yourself, Duo.” Heero knelt down in front of the crouched pilot and felt his way through the darkness. He put a calloused hand to Duo's still damp cheek. Duo's heart sped up to triple time. “ 'Nothing is verifiable in the dark.' Count this all as a dream.” Heero brought his other hand up to cup Duo's face.
Beside himself, Duo began to tremble uncontrollably, “Why-Why are you doing this?” In the darkness, Duo attempted to struggle out of Heero's grasp, but the wing pilot didn't allow him to budge out of his grip.
“Don't squirm. It's simple. You've proved me wrong.”
“What?” Duo could feel the warmth of Heero's breath on his lips. He could smell the other pilot's peppermint toothpaste on his breath.
\\This is insane.//
“You proved I can be desired…even if I outwardly hold the entire world in contempt. Everybody wants us to kill or be killed, but nobody wants *us*. You know the risks.”
“I do?”
\\I understand now. He's already killed me and I'm stuck in a dream…this beats hell any day.//
“You know how stained my hands are, and still your desire persists. You know *me*.”
Duo could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand in full attention. “But, Heero, I-”
Those were the last words the Shinigami pilot uttered before his mouth and his will were captured by Heero's intent mouth. It was a clumsy kiss that had taken the Shinigami pilot by surprise. His head banged against the door under Heero's propulsion. The kiss was sloppy and wet, but it sent Duo's senses reeling. Duo tried to speak. “Heero, I--”
Suddenly Duo felt Heero's hand over his mouth. “This is the one dream where you're not allowed to speak,” said the Wing pilot. With a shiver, Duo nodded his agreement.